On My Own
by psychic soul
Summary: Inspired by New Teen Titans # 39. Raven has some emotions to express as she stays alone in the Tower. For all of those who are in the Friendzone, who have unrequited love, who fell in love with their best friend or who knows what Eponine is going through. A bit OOC. Oneshot. Songfic R&R.


**A/N: I just read New Teen Titans # 39 (the issue where Robin and Raven are kissing in the comics) and I felt so sad after reading it (even though really it wasn't so sad, but whatever) and this one-shot just plopped out of my head and landed on the computer screen. I have always wanted to do a songfic of "On My Own" from Les Miserables, and I guess the emotions from that issue was perfect for it.**

**Just so you know what happened, Robin/Nightwing dreams of being with Raven, while in bed with Starfire. He says its because Raven is unconsciously manipulating him into loving her, though he is loyal to Starfire. So being a nice friend, Starfire goes to Raven to Taihiti to have girl talk and clear up things with Raven, telling her that she really doesn't love Robin. And so she ends up alone while everyone's out in a barbeque in Cyborg's place, and all the couples are there. She joins them and has a bit of fun, but one of the last panels is of her floating around the city alone, and saying how human emotions are interesting while everyone's with their respective couples. **

**Okay, so she's technically happy in the issue, but I can't help but feel sad for her. (Maybe my own feelings are in the mix here :)) ) but yeah everyone knows its sucks to be forever alone or the third wheel or whatever. And yes there is the very sad place of the friendzone. Well guess what, Raven has been there since the '80s. And I suppose she deserves a hug and a one-shot for her pain.**

**I admit she does sound a bit OOC here, but oh well, let us all sing our lungs out with her and enjoy this story! And read and review if you feel so inclined to do so. **

**Anyway have a nice day! And hopefully none of you are feeling this way right now. If you are, then here's a hug and a one-shot to help you through it :) And yay for me for writing something short for once! :))**

**I DO NOT OWN TEEN TITANS OR ON MY OWN OR LES MISERABLES OR LEA SALONGA.**

* * *

**_On My Own_**

Titans Tower seems so empty tonight.

Well obviously, since I'm the only one who's here.

Cyborg is in Steel City for his date with Bumblebee.

Beastboy is somewhere in the city, taking Terra out to dinner.

And… Robin and Starfire are out partying.

While I'm here, all alone in the Tower, watching over the city… on my own.

Starfire said that I didn't really love him. She said it was because I didn't understand love. Well that is true for an empathic demoness whose powers are driven by emotions. I can feel everyone else's emotions, except my own. But with Trigon's absence, it became easier to allow myself to feel them. I didn't have to fear that I could destroy the city or hurt my friends if I lost control- because I won't. I've learned to master skills, to meditate more, to understand my emotions better.

Especially those untold emotions for our leader. I have to be honest with myself, after he went through Hell to save me; I started to feel something more for the Boy Wonder. Anyone would be eternally grateful if someone went through Hell- literally-just to save them. He is my best friend, we have bond, I trust him more than anyone here on Earth. That is why I couldn't help my heart if it fell for him- for Robin, the masked hero, for Dick Grayson, the trapeze expert, for my best friend.

And I thought he wanted me too. I thought he felt something more for me in our comfortable, shared silences, in how we consoled each other when we would have nightmares. I thought he felt the same when we would have our coffee-and-tea moments, in the way we'd both figure out villains' motives and plans, and the best way to defeat them. I thought he truly cared when only he would knock on my door and ask what was wrong when I had a bad day, or how he'd check on my wounds first after a rough battle. I thought there was something more behind our witty banter and dry humor; in the jokes that only we would find funny, only we would understand.

But Starfire said that it was only me; that I was just misinterpreting my feelings of friendship for him with feelings of love. She said that we were just very close friends; that we care for each other in the same way she cared for me, in the same way that the other Titans did. She said that since emotions were so new to me, it was hard for me to distinguish one from the other. I had only misinterpreted Robin's affections, and in truth, they were only of friendship. The truth was, she said, that they were the ones that were in love. And she wanted to make this clear for me so we would all remain as friends, and maybe even become more like sisters to one another.

Her words pained me so much. I knew my feelings for Robin were true, even if I wasn't a master of emotions, I knew that I did love him. But then, maybe she was right about one thing. Maybe Robin didn't love me. Maybe I did read too much into his actions, maybe he only did see me as a friend. He did say that we were best friends, I suppose that's really all that we are. Friends go through Hell and back for each other, right?

Of course he'd choose Starfire over me. She was beautiful, stunning, sexy, so full of life, so innocent. I was nothing like her. My grey skin and purple eyes were boring compared to her fiery red hair and clear complexion. Oh who was I kidding? How would he fall in love with the Goth? Why would anyone want to fall in love with someone like me? The only ones who would waste their time with me are those who have an ulterior motive. Malchior taught me that lesson very well.

And so I'm here alone in the Tower, the only one single in the group. Sure, I have my friends, I have the Titans. But at the end of the day, as they're in the arms of someone else, I'm shivering and alone. I suppose this is the life that I have to live. I'm the daughter of Trigon, for crying out loud. No one will ever want to love me. I suppose this desolate existence is my penance for bringing the end of the world. Though Robin brought me back from the depths of Hell to save it, though he said I had my whole life ahead of me, it was a life I would live on my own.

This loneliness is too much to bear. I've tried meditation, spells, everything, but the heavy feeling on my chest- the emptiness that he left when I realized that he loved someone else- could not be filled. I feel like Eponine from Les Miserables by Victor Hugo: cursed to help Marius and Cosette, and to simply watch in the sidelines as their love blossomed into something beautiful. But I suppose, like her, I can learn to be happy, even if I am on my own.

_"On my own/Pretending he's beside me/All alone/I walk with him till morning.."_

It's funny. I'm not used to hearing myself sing. But ever since Robin brought us to watch a musical of Les Miserables, I can't help but sing her song. The song that says what I truly feel inside.

_"Without him/I feel his arms around me/And when I lose my way I close my eyes/And he has found me.."  
_

I walk through the common room, singing the song of my heart from the top of my lungs. No one's here to hear me anyway, I'm not worried about being judged. I am after all, on my own.

_"In the rain the pavement shines like silver/All the lights are misty in the river/In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight/And all I see is him and me forever and forever.."  
_

It is only in these secret times that I can actually feel my emotions. I can feel them like small amounts of energy, swirling from my heart and into the air, not as a destructive force that can bring harm to the city, but as little musical notes floating in the air.

_"And I know it's only in my mind/That I'm talking to myself and not to him/And although I know that he is blind/Still I say, there's a way for us..."  
_

My voice does not sound beautiful or powerful like the actress in the play. I am not even close to sounding like Lea Salonga. In fact, my voice sounds just like a whisper, like my own monotone. But if anyone could hear it, if anyone would take the time to listen to my voice, they would hear all of my hidden emotions. All the secret pain I feel because of the hand that I have been dealt: to love someone, but not to be loved in return; To be happy for all of your friends, even though they leave you all alone.

_"I love him/But when the night is over/He is gone/The river's just a river/Without him/The world around me changes/The trees are bare and everywhere/The streets are full of strangers.."  
_

This part always gets me. Every time I allow myself to sing this song, I always find myself in tears at this part. I try to be happy, even in my unrequited love. I try to be like Eponine, I try to be strong and support my dearest friends, my family, even though my heart is breaking inside. I can hear my voice breaking with the tears that fall from my eyes, the emotions finally flowing freely from me like waves. But I still try to be strong, and maybe I can be one day, maybe I will find my happiness on my own.

_"I love him/But every day I'm learning/All my life/I've only been pretending/Without me/His world will go on turning/A world that's full of happiness/That I have never known.."_

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm unhappy, unlovable and I always will be. I'm the creepy Goth that no one wants to talk to. I'm the cursed daughter of Trigon that will only bring death and destruction. I am the best friend that lets go of her feelings so that her friends can be happy at her own expense. I'll always be miserable, and I'll always be on my own. I get down to the floor and break into uncontrollable sobs as I manage to sing the last few lines.

_"I love him/I love him/I love him/But only on my own.."  
_

Because of my wallowing in self-pity and heartache, I can barely register the _swoosh _of the metal doors in the common room, allowing me an audience to my emotional breakdown. Even through my shoulders are shaking as my tears fall to the floor, I could feel a hand, a gentle touch upon it, as if soothing me without words. I reluctantly turn my head to see who it is, and my puffy eyes widen at what I see.

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**Mehehe. I wasn't sure how to end this. You can continue or give suggestions or harass me to finish. Whatever you feel like doing. Haha. Have a nice day! :)**


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